soft pretzels

On account of the eight-plus hours of torrential Hanna downpour we enjoyed today, I found myself relegated to the couch for the better part of my morning & afternoon, leaving only to pick up the mail and make sure there was still other human life outside the bubble of our apartment. And, on account of there being really crappy TV programming on Saturdays, the television was pretty much parked on Food Network all day long. You know what happens when you watch too much Food Network, right? You find yourself saddled with all kinds of sudden, intense cravings for treats which you have no business eating, especially in light of the fact that you've been indulging in cake about three times a day for the past two days. OK, maybe that last part is just me.

Anyway, I blew through a few episodes of Throwdown with Bobby Flay, the last of which ended with him turning out gorgeous pretzels in Philadelphia, and which left me with a very strong desire to sink my teeth into a fresh soft pretzel while intermittently downing a very cold beer. But again, the incessant precipitation - I couldn't leave my little cave for fear of being swept away by a flash flood. That, and I get really annoyed when my pant cuffs get soggy from walking out in the rain.

Thank goodness I am married to a man of very acute memory, for he reminded me that our friends Mandy & Jake had shared with us a recipe for soft pretzels several years ago (Jake is a consummate chef, but that's an entirely different discussion--probably one that involves Sicilian pizza, because that is the dish we love him for the most.). Better yet, Jake's pretzel recipe comes ready-made lacto-vegetarian; did you know how hard it is to find pretzel recipes that don't call for eggs in the dough?

I made a couple of tweaks to dial down the quantity and strive for the likes of Bobby's Bavarian beauties, and although I may have thrown a minor tantrum when I first pulled them out of the oven--there was much whining about how I should have kept a closer eye on them and now they were burned and totally ruined and what would we do because I just used up the last of the flour--I was gently reminded that this is in fact the correct color they should be when they're done, thanks to the baking soda in the boiling water:

Perfectly crispy and toothsome on the outside, deliciously soft & pillowy inside. Need I say more?

Now, don't go trying to lighten this up by not brushing butter on the tops before baking - the butter is critical to achieving that wonderful crust. Plus, it tastes really good. And while you're at it, don't skimp on the beer & cheese sauce, either. They are very necessary to the whole homemade pretzel experience. You can make it up to yourself with a salad later.

For the cheese sauce, I just ad-libbed by making a little roux with butter & flour in a stainless steel pan, and then added a few handfuls of shredded cheddar & mozzarella, along with a little drizzle of milk and a spoonful of minced jalapeno (swiped from the center of the hummus in the fridge), all the while whisking everything until it was melty & smooth.

Also, don't get scared off by how long the recipe is; it's really only about 15-20 minutes of active prep time, plus 40 minutes of rising/baking time. That means you'll go from craving to eating in about an hour, which isn't bad at all.

Soft Pretzels
(makes 4 5-inch diameter pretzels)

Ingredients:

1 tbsp. salted butter, melted
1 1/2 c. all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. sugar (preferably brown)
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 pkg. (1 tsp) active dry yeast (the original recipe called for rapid-action, my results were fine with regular, so just go with whatever's already in the cupboard)
1/2 c. warm water (~110 F)

1 1/2 tbsp. baking soda
2 c. water

~1 1/2 tbsp. salted butter, melted
kosher or sea salt, for sprinkling

Directions:

Start warming your oven (I like to turn the dial to 500 F for about five minutes*, then just shut it off - it reaches the right temperature by the time I'm ready to use it.) In a stand mixer bowl, use your hands to rub the butter into the flour until it resembles coarse meal. Stir in yeast, sugar and salt. Place the bowl in the mixer stand, attach the dough hook & turn it on a low speed while slowly pouring in the water (don't go above speed 2 if you're using a KitchenAid). Let the mixer run until the whole thing pulls into a nice, clean ball. Since this is a small recipe, your dough hook may not reach into the mixture far enough & you might need to scrape the sides down once or twice to help things along.

If you don't have a mixer, no worries - just mix the flour & butter by hand as directed above, then whisk in yeast, sugar and salt. Add water little by little as you knead by hand until the dough comes together, then continue kneading about 4 or 5 minutes more.

Turn dough in a large, lightly oiled bowl. Cover with plastic cling film or a damp towel, place in warmed (but off!) oven, allow to rest & rise 20 minutes. Set cling film aside for later, remove dough, cut into four equal parts, roll each part to about 15 inches in length on a lightly floured surface, twist into the pretzel shape of your choice, then place about 2 inches apart on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Re-cover with the cling film, then slide that back into the oven (still off!) to rise for another ten minutes.

Remove pretzels from oven, preheat oven to 475 F. Bring 2 cups of water to a very gentle boil in a small pot. Stir in baking soda, reduce heat so there's only just small bubbles rolling around in there. Boil each pretzel, one at a time, 30 seconds total, turning once halfway. Remove pretzel from boiling water with a flat spatula, replace right side up on parchment-lined cookie sheet. After all four pretzels are boiled & back on the sheet, brush each one liberally with melted butter and sprinkle with kosher or sea salt to taste. Bake for 11-13 minutes, until pretzels have reached a beautiful deep brown. Serve immediately. They might keep for a day or two in an airtight container, but I can't say for sure as we devoured ours on the spot.

Oh, and one last thing: don't bother cooking dinner. This is dinner - enjoy!

*UPDATE: Do NOT let the oven actually get to 500 F. I have an old-fashioned, analog gas oven, so what I'm basically trying to do here is get the inside of my oven to a relatively warm temperature (not nearly hot enough to start baking anything) quickly. If you have a newer oven, especially one that's digital, just set it to "warm" while you're doing the other work and then be sure to turn it completely off before putting the dough in to rise. Sorry if there was any confusion!